obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize