I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
