I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
