No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it penis luge time yet?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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