just tell him i said nine months
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
