Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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