Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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