we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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