Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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