there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
