dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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