I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
