maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
