I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
