Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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