Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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