After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize