whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
