i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
