Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
