THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
