Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
