i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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