dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
