I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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