I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Jerry, you need to find god
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
