I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
