Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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