Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
