Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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