You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
