hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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