i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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