Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
