Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
