you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
