a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Less talking, more tequila
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
