just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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