I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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