Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
