So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
