he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
