I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize