If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
