oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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