He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
