we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
