I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
