I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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