I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
