jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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