My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
