Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
