Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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