Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
