Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
His nipple licking is glorious
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