Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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