next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
