It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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