just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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