it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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