She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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