No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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