Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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