I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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