OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
