You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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